My pain was so great, it filled me whole,
My pain was so strong, I could feel nothing more.
My pain made me feel so blue,
It also made me need you.
Now, I am finally free,
But without my pain, I don’t feel like me.
It consumed me, I felt possessed.
But without my pain I feel distressed.
I don’t need it but I want it.
Now I feel so incomplete without it.
My pain made me feel real,
Its strange, yeah and that’s my fear.
Without it am I even here?
Its not supposed to be this day,
This isn’t how I want to spend my days,
Not this gloomy, not this sad;
I should not want this so bad.
Before, the pain made me numb,
Now this feeling makes me dumb:
I can’t speak, its like I’m missing the only thing I ever owned..
Why do I have to feel this way?
Is this really how I’m made?
I have to wonder, am I sane?
Why do I want this pain again?
Oh hell! I just realised, this entire poem is a lie.
I still have the pain, its here all right.
Never left, not even a night.
I remember now, its coming to me,
All my hurt, all my misery.
The many pillows with tears I’ve stained,
The times I stood alone in the rain.
Wait, I remember being happy
But that was just temporary.
What I could have had is lost,
But I still had to pay the cost.
Its like a scar that won’t go away,
It’ll last till my dying day.
I won’t even try to hide,
The mark of what keeps me alive.
Please don’t try to save me.
This pain is eternal—I want it to be.